Please Do Not Be A Tyrant… To Yourself
That’s probably why you are unmotivated and procrastinate all the time
Table of Contents
- About Tyrants
- Your Two Selves
- Signs of a Tyrannical Boss
- Treat Yourself Right
- Conclusion
You want to get things done, but you don’t feel like doing so. It’s hard to get yourself motivated to do the things you want to accomplish. Relatable? Probably, for most people. But why wouldn’t you do the things that help you accomplish what you want to accomplish? Common, but strange, isn’t it?
Probably, just probably, you are being a tyrant to yourself.
About Tyrants
We are sick of tyrants. We know a fair amount of them. We know what they’re like. We all dislike totalitarian authorities seeking absolute obedience to their requests that are obviously stupid. We all dislike oppressive bosses that take advantage of people, and do not honor promises.
We don’t like tyrants, and we especially don’t like working for one.
Here’s the question:
Are you being a tyrant to yourself?
Have you ever been in a situation (you most likely have) where you have goals in mind, you know what you want to get done, but at the same time, you don’t want to do them. This happens when your goals not your own as much as when those goals are indeed your own goals. You just don’t feel like doing them. As a result, you procrastinate, you binge watch shows and do useless stuff while knowing clearly that you are not making any progress towards your goals, even though they indeed are your own goals. Why would you do that? This is something so common, yet, makes not much sense at all. Most people might just explain this phenomenon as them being lazy, and that in itself is a lazy way of rationalizing such behavior.
So why is it that we don’t do the things we want to do? Why is it so hard to make ourselves do such things, even though we genuinely want to get these things done?
Your Two Selves
Imagine this: you are at the same time an employer, and an employee. The one doing the goal-setting is the employer-you, while the one doing the labor is the employee-you. These are two separate entities, for the examples’ sake.
Now let’s think about this employee-employer relationship for a bit. Let’s say you are a graphic designer. You chose this occupation because you love your job. If your employer pays you well for the job you do, you will be very motivated to do your job, and the motivation comes easily because you already love the work you do. On the contrary, if your employer does not compensate you for your work, falls back on his or her promises all the time, and is obviously making you work with nothing in return, how would you feel? Would you still be very willing to do your job? No! Even though you love your job, you still wouldn’t. It would be hard for you to wake yourself up to get to work. It would take you a great effort to start working, even though you love the work you do.
You Are Your Own Boss
You are your own employer. Are you compensating yourself for the things you want to get done? Have you ever considered rewarding yourself for the great work you do? Or do you think of all the things you do as “not that big of a deal” because they are “within your capabilities”.
When we humans look at ourselves, we tend to look at our flaws, imperfections and incompetence, and completely disregard the good. Is that what you are doing to yourself? Imagine your employer treating you that way. You get punished for your imperfections but get nothing in return for the great things you do. It’s no wonder you will be unmotivated to do work, even when you like the nature of the work you do. Now remember, you are your own employer, your own boss. It’s probably time to reconsider how you treat yourself.
As I mentioned earlier, we tend to look at our own flaws and amplify them, a lot more than we do to other people. A lot of that is because we don’t know the worst of a lot of the people we meet, but we know damn well the worst of ourselves. That’s why most people treat themselves very harshly, especially if you compare to how these same people treat the people around them.
A tyrant sees no value in other people, and does not treat people like “people”, but rather “things”.
Signs of a Tyrannical Boss
So what you want to is to avoid doing to yourself is what a tyrannical boss would do. Here is a list of those things.
- Disregard your feelings, needs, and desires
- Do not see nor value your worth
- Take advantage of you
- Do not compensate you for your work
- Set unrealistic expectations
- Do not honor promises
Treat Yourself Right
So if you want to be productive and get things done, you have to change the way you treat yourself. Think of all the ways you want to be treated by your employer, your parent, your teacher, your friend, or anybody at all.
- You want them to listen to what you have to say.
- You want your needs heard.
- You want your wishes fulfilled.
- You want promises honored.
- You want your worth seen.
- You want your efforts appreciated.
So that’s how you should communicate and live with yourself. They say “treat others how you want to be treated,” The reverse is probably an even better guide.
Treat yourself how you want others to treat you.
Reward Yourself
If you want to get the dishes done but don’t feel like doing the dishes, negotiate with yourself. Offer yourself rewards for the good job you do.
“If you do the dishes, how about you get your favorite coffee from Starbucks later?”
And after you do the dishes, make sure you actually honor that promise.
“Thanks for your hard work. So as promised, I will get you the coffee you wanted from Starbucks.”
If you play out the act of a tyrant, using a bait to incentivize yourself to do some work only to back out on that promise after the work is done, you are screwing yourself over. You will not be falling for that bait again. It will be even harder to get yourself to do anything in the future.
Listen To Yourself
You would only open up to people that you know for sure are interested in your problems and your needs. It is rather ironic, however, that we might not listen to our own needs. We might tend to force ourselves to act a certain way — how we should act — in order to meet social expectations, or even worse, our unrealistically high expectations for ourselves. It’s like having parents that tell you to act a certain way in classic “it’s my way or the highway”-fashion.
Listen to yourself. Let yourself speak. Let your inner self tell you what he or she or it really wants. Let your inner needs and desires be heard, to yourself.
When you have something to say, silence is a lie — and tyranny feeds on lies.
Jordan Peterson
Sometimes I tend to think — in situations where I have a strong voice that wants to be heard, that I have something to say, staying silent is to not cause conflict, is to be tolerant and be the bigger man in the room, and therefore the better thing to do. Jordan Peterson’s quote was like a slap in my face. Instead of being the bigger man, I was being the liar. I was lying to myself.
Treat Yourself Like A Person
You are by no means perfect. Accept that fact, and see yourself truly as what you are — a human. We are more likely to be tolerant of other people’s flaws because we acknowledge that everybody is flawed in their own way, and there is goodness in people that shines through those flaws. That goodness is where we place our hopes and trust in. Now why don’t we treat ourselves the same way? Seeing yourself as a person is setting the bar at the right place for yourself. Trying to be as good as possible is the best place any human can be.
You would easily get burnt out and drained when you have to live with unrealistic expectations, because even the best of you falls short of those expectations. You don’t get valued for your work. You don’t get compensated with rewards you deserve. Make sure you aren’t setting those unrealistic expectations for yourself.
With the right, achievable goals, and the right amount of rewards to be gained for your own good work, you will be motivated to do work. You are in the hands of a great employer, that knows your worth and treats you like a human. Be that person for yourself.
Conclusion
When you establish a great relationship with yourself, your inner self, and not play tyrant to yourself, your productivity would be greatly improved, because you have no problems making yourself do work.
Do not be the oppressive boss everybody hates. Be the kind, loving, understanding person you would love to bond with. Yes, be that kind of person to yourself.
Rule over your own life with love.
Greatness in every sector of our lives, starts from fixing our own lives, and that includes our relationship with ourself.
Main Inspiration
Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules For Life: The Antidote to Chaos.
